So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
babies were throwing up all over the place
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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