So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
