I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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