Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
