OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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