In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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