Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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