Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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