lets start a swedish sibling band together
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
