Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
