If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
