Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
