I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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