Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
