we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
