he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
