taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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