I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
