people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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