Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
