You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
