i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
