obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
