did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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