I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
