you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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