I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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