There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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