There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
