Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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