yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
