Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
