just tell him i said nine months
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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