He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
