is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
