i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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