You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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