Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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