So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
