Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
