Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
