her vagina looked like bernie madoff
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
