Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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