Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
