All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
NoShamevember. You game?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
