onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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