hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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