I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
