It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
