i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
