Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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