So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
