Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
