Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
