Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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