I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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