my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
