I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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