The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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