I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
