so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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