Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
