This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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