Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
