The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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