I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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