New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
