He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
