I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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