Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
