His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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