I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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