So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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