i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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