The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
