the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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