upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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