Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
