im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
